We breed.
Carefully selected human-monkey hybrids with high dopamine tolerance.
NASDAQ-PENDING · EST. 1,000,000 BC
WE DON'T HIRE DEVELOPERS.
WE SHIP VIBECODERS.
Half human. Half monkey. 100% productivity until lunch. Delivered in a box. Plug one directly into your workflow.
Trusted by absolutely serious companies
TEHCORPSKYNETNULLBYTEFORGEBUNDER MFLIN
AI-GENERATED
EMPLOYEE
EMPLOYEE
MODEL ZC-404
VIBING / READY
VIBING / READY
01 / WHO WE ARE
THE WORLD'S FIRST
POCKET WORKFORCE.
Zalypka.company is the world's first and oldest provider of portable human-monkey intelligence. We combine the primal instinct of monkeys with the chaotic energy of developers who have discovered autocomplete.
The result is pure vibe-driven code. No meetings. No complaints. Just commitment, questionable architecture, and a surprising amount of bananas.
02 / WHAT WE DO
WE BREED.
WE TRAIN.
WE DELIVER.
We train.
On real-world codebases, energy drinks, and questionable GitHub repos.
We deliver.
Straight to your office in a professionally engineered cardboard unit.
POCKET VIBECODER™Plug & Vibe.Requires Wi-Fi, snacks, and zero HR oversight.
01Writes clean-ish codeTests are considered a form of future thinking.
02Understands APIs (sometimes)Our best model once said “it depends.”
03Works 24/7**Breaks for fruit, sleep, and existential dread.
04Easily replaceableSimply return the box and receive another box.
03 / OUR GOALS
BIG VISION.
TINY BOXES.
◉
Replace all boring developers
◈
Make vibe coding a regulated profession
◍
Achieve banana-powered sustainability
◎
Conquer the enterprise market by Q4
04 / LEADERSHIP
MEET THE EXECUTIVES.
A diverse leadership team composed of 80% monkey, 20% title inflation.
05 / CONTACT
READY TO UPGRADE
YOUR TEAM?
Stop hiring. Start vibing. Our sales team is available whenever Mercury is in retrograde.